A Flight of YETIS!!

YETIS EVERYWHERE!!!

Here we recount our experiences of being attacked by five yetis while dining at Hough's during Pittsburgh Craft Beer Week. All yetis have thick black opaque fur, this equates to a Snowman Resemblance Measure (SRM) of about 35-40. They also have an Abominableness by Volume (ABV) of about 9.5%.

Oatmeal Raisin Yeti

This yeti smelled like it rolled around in a pile of oatmeal raisin cookies. It gave a smooth heavy mauling and and left a lingering raisin taste in my mouth. All in all a distinctly different and pretty pleasant experience, as maulings go.

Chocolate Oak Aged Yeti

Rumor has it this yeti was found living in an oak house and eating nothing but chocolate. He attacked with a chunk of oak, and I think there was some chocolate smudged on me afterward. Living in oak made him bitter, but the chocolate diet balanced it to make him quite pleasant overall.

2014 Yeti of the Year

Clearly a fan of a smooth malty cologne. He gave a light, almost gentle mauling. Roasted and malty in character, he hasn't been around long enough to turn bitter. Still filled with the almost sweet crispness of youth.

2013 Yeti of the Year

A fan of the same malt cologne, but with age comes the wisdom to use it in moderation. The year has made him lose the crispness in favor of a little bitterness, but he manages to keep everything together and act smooth. Conversation with him was nice and mellow, but left me feeling bitter after he left. More likely to try to bite you than the 2014, but we left with all limbs intact.

2012 Yeti of the Year

Two years were enough to make this yeti very jaded and bitter. He's lost all his sense of timing and just hits you with everything all at once. We left the encounter feeling bruised and cynical, but still somehow happy about the experience.

Epilogue

It was tough getting past all five yetis and making it out. It was certainly an interesting experience though, and one that I'm glad we got the chance to have. If you're totally confused by what you just read, click here for an explanation.